Retreat

I think it is OK to retreat. I even consider it an important part of living a good life. For me, it is a pause in a life of engagement. It is a time to disengage for a spell, and then re-engage again. I have been on many formal retreats in my life, and they have been less of a refuge and more of a springboard to the next time of engagement.

I now find those formal times of retreat less important. Perhaps it is because every day has its time of retreat. Every morning has a time of disengagement for me when I deliberately enter into a time of mindful movement and a quiet time between bells. My burning candle and rising incense remind me that this is a special time to withdraw, to retreat into a unique space. My mind relaxes. I may have moments of formless exploring or times of exploding thoughts of awareness. Every morning has a mini time of retreat.

Those moments of retreat are woven into the fabric of my days. There are even brief moments of retreat when my hourly mindfulness bell reminds me to stop, to pause. Those brief moments are also times of intense engagement with whatever is near as I touch the counter top, my desk, my leg. I become unaware so that I can become intensely aware. These moments of retreat are a kind of refuge from whatever is demading my attentin. Those moments of refuge are a spring board into a renewed kind of awareness and engagement.

My Sangha offers itself as a refuge, a place for a brief retreat every week. Our weekly meetings are a retreat from our daily thoughts and concerns. They are a time of quiet space more often than not. We even had a novelty visit from a group of monks that reminded us what a life apart from life could be like. All this opportunity for retreat and refuge is attractive and can be useful.

I also want those Sangha times of retreat to be spring boards to engagement. For me, those times of refuge are opportunities to become aware of what stirs inside of me and what needs to be dealt with. By creating those times of letting go I can gain insight into what engagement awaits me. Engagement emerges from retreat in my morning practice. I want engagement to emerge from the weekly retreats of my Sangha. I want my Sangha to be both a refuge and also a doorway to active engagement with the world. I do not want my Sangha to exist only as a safe escape from the world but a portal and invitation to involvement.

My retreats are an important, even essential part of my days. My skill and practice of retreat allows me to walk through my garden in an engaged manner. My retreat practice allows me to meet the world in a loving way, with an open heart. My practice of retreating sets me up, opens me up for active engagement with my world.