Listening hasn’t always been easy for me. I think I learned the skill of thinking and doing much more readily than I developed a habit of listening. I probably learned how to pay attention to what I was thinking or seeing much more readily than I acquired a facility of listening.
Maybe I was soft on listening because listening mostly meant paying attention to those “humans”, many of whom seemed somewhat alien to me. I found my own internal world more interesting and less threatening. I have always wanted to do things my way, not the way of others. Listening to myself seemed easier and more appropriate.
I now spend much more time and effort in listening to others as well as myself. Paying attention still requires that I remind myself to listen frequently. Even reading can demand that I repeatedly pay attention to the voice of the author, not to the voice inside my head. I often have to refocus on listening, but it has become somewhat easier as I have gotten older. Maybe listening is not exactly habitual, but I do it more skillfully and with ease.
I am still learning how listening connects me better with the rustling of leaves and the flight of birds. Other humans are much more interesting, insightful and entertaining when I am listening attentively to them. I no longer feel caution and want to shield myself. By listenting, I actually feel myself drawing closer, no longer finding refuge in my distance. In general, I feel more intimacy with the world when I am listening. I let go. I get drawn in.
Listening has become more of a way that I relate to people and all other beings. Doing, performing and speaking are still important to me. But listening also draws me into whatever is happening. Listening draws me into whatever is present around me.