Becoming aware has resulted in my heart being open much more than it has in the past. I have known this for at least a year, that situations and people enter into my heart more readily as I learn to see them in deeper ways. I’ve thought of this a lot, practiced, noticed how my feelings about people touch me on a deeper level the more I am absorbed by this awareness.
What I haven’t thought about much is how this makes me much more vulnerable. Having an open heart doesn’t necessarily mean a wise heart. I haven’t practiced much on how to become wise about how I handle that vulnerability, the exposure to pain. The enthusiasm a puppy feels doesn’t come with a dose of wisdom.
I am glad that I can take myself to a place of repose. Usually it is a few breaths away. But I have to know it is time to “breathe.” I don’t always recognize when it is important to breathe. It is the breath that helps me stay. When I remember to breathe, I can stay in the present much easier. The vulnerability and pain are still there. But when I accept them, not try to make them go away, I suffer so much less.
I want to recognize and accept my vulnerability, not make it go away. I want to look boldly at my pain of separation and imagined loss, and breathe in the pain. I want to accept it as part of me. I choose to keep my heart open.