I continue to puzzle over what I mean when I talk about having an open heart. It is an expression that resonates so well with me, but I am at a loss to define it. It seems to fit so many situations and yet I often think about what it likely means to me and to others.
I first noticed how well it fit when I began to become more aware of everything around me. It applied to how I walked through my garden and absorbed my flowers. It seemed part of my new alert way of driving along a road that now seemed to be more “there”. Having an open heart was part of my being among the members of my beloved sangha. I could feel every one of them sitting around me.
I noticed people getting on the bus in a new way. They were no longer part of the ambiance but each one became a front and center person. Each one seemed to step into my personal bubble. For a moment, they were all I saw and I could feel a little of what it meant to be them.
I often listen to people in a different way, including my two adult sons. What they say seems more neutral and doesn’t beg for a response from me. I just listen. There are some politicians I find it difficult to listen to with an open heart, and I guess that is just how things are.
For the most part, I am able to see and hear people without wanting them to be different. I want to be with them at that moment, but not want to grasp, control or shape them. It is a very open feeling of awareness and appreciation without wanting to possess.
For me, this open heartedness has a huge amount of freedom. I feel much more able to be transparent and even spontaneous. Everything I feel, I seem to feel in a deeper way. Feelings resonate through my whole body. I more often give myself permission to just be myself, which is approximately what I am offering to whomever I am with.
Sometimes my open heart gets me in situations that appear ambiguous to others. Sometimes I may have been a little too transparent, or too engaging or too enthusiastic. These are times I have perhaps been more vulnerable than I want to be. Feelings are much less disguised. Also, I think I have given genuine messages of interest and attention that are unwelcome.
It is confusing, to me and sometimes to others. Having an open heart is something like being in love, and for that I offer no apology. My flowers seem to understand that. I’m still trying to figure out how it applies to people.