I hesitate to use the word intimacy, because most of us instantly think of bed sheets. But that actually is what closeness is, intimacy. I seem to be running up against the fear of going deep, which of course means closeness. Revealing ourselves, where we really live. And if we reveal ourselves, we will be shunned or loved. It’s risky business, but my appetite for it has become demanding and impatient.
As I become more accustomed to mindful time, I find that I am more comfortable and familiar with what I find, inside and outside. I find it easier to be truly present and open to people. When people approach the Master Gardener Q & A table, I find it easy and enjoyable to really be with them, listen, be present. Their response is typically positive.
But with people I am closer to, the response is mixed. There is the bed sheet factor, I think, that pops up. I think it is an issue for men and women, whether they are coupled with someone or not. And there is the simple matter of fear of closeness.
I am impatient. I like where I am learning to live. I love my life of being alone, and I welcome closeness.