Author: barryschade@gmail.com

Touch is a special sense for me. I greatly value all my senses, but it is touch that most effecrively puts me in touch with the infinite universe, infinite space, infinite consciousness. The sensation of touch itself does not have that effect, but my awareness of the sense of touch reveals a deeper awareness. Touch, as known, is a sensory doorway to the infinite.

Touching need not be anything excetional for me. It can be as simple as touching the keys connected to my computer. Touch can be stimulated by placing my fingers on the table or door frame when my hourly bell rings, encouraging me to be mindful. Touch becomes a sensory doorway when I put my hand on someone’s upper arm or the small of their back. A hug is a dramatic opening to a vast universe. In an instant, I experiece the universe acting. Every moment in a hug is an infinite moment that defies the limits of time.

I am aware that the universe acts in an integral manner. Every moment is an encounter with the infinite, timeless action of the universe. Touch, better than any other of my senses, puts me in touch with the power that surges from the timeless action of the universe.

Touching someone’s hand or any part of their body allows me to feel the great energy that has been there for all time, for as long as time has existed. In that moment, I experience the universe, not as a thing, but as a mode of being. I have the opening to surrender and cascade into that mode of being. I become aware that I am one with it all, I am infinitely connected.

It hasn’t always been this way for me. For most of my life, I have seen the world through a veil of my own making. Touch seldom went beyond the sensory apparatus of my own body. I may have enjoyed the sensation of touch, my sensations of touch reflected more my notion of me and that shaped my notion of the world. That veil has become thinner, and I think I am beginning to see the universe as much more than a reflection of me and less as an imagined shape of the world around me.

To experience the dynamic, expansive universe, touch has become very important to me.

I don’t think that I ever wanted to be normal. There are many ways in which I conformed to what was expected of me. I followed the demands of teachers, I complied with my parents, I conformed to the expectations of being a good catholic boy. But there has always been an inclination to stretch and venture outside of what most would consider normal. That includes my intention to be exceptional. I found ways to wiggle outside of being normal. I never saw myself as ordinary.

This got confirmation when I entered my 60’s and was diagnosed as having Asperberger Syndrome. This was not a great surprise and it confirmed that I never was someone who routinely fit in. In fact, following the norms of psychology, it confirmed that I was not normal. It gave me liberty to be just who I really wanted to be.

I’ve come to see that what society calls normal is simply the middle hump on a bell shaped curve. Normal is simply another way of saying average. There are many of us who make up the two tails of that curve, and I am happy to be in the not-normal group. As my two kids remind me, the path we follow in not being normal actually adds interest and depth to the human condition. I think the people who have furthered human development were seldom normal. Those of us who are not normal offer new possibilities to what it means to be human.

I don’t have a critical attitude about all the people who are normal. I think, it is their overwhelming numbers that makes them normal. I am happy, however, to be outside of normal. I am glad that I am not normal. And I don’t plan to change

I sometimes see the needy and fearful as a gift. Through them I learn to practice compassion. They are an opportunity and often a challenge.

Now I am uncertain what I do when fearful and desperate voices become angry voices. I am uncertain what do what their fear and desperation become aggression.

This is a talk given at the Blooming Heart Sangha on  Nov.7, 2024

Relax.   Take a deep breath.  I’m about to invite you into a rarified place:  I invite you to think what it is like to go beyond the practice and enter absorption, to abandon the practice, to see the practice as impermanent.

• Phap Hu talks of the difference between doing and being; to me, that is like practice and absorption.
• I admit I know only a little bit about absorption, I experience only a small amount of absorption.
• But for me, this little bit is amazingly joy-filled…….  This little bit of absorption encourages me to have the intention to enter into absorption, to routinely venture beyond the practice.

When I was a junior and senior in the high school seminary, Mt. St. Francis, I had a privileged position as lead sacristan. 

• I had the daily chore of making arrangements for many priests celebrating mass.
• Also, I was master of ceremonies for special events, such as all the complex celebrations of Holy Week.
• I made sure that everything was in place or showed up at the right time:  vestments, bells, fire, incense, books, water, wine, people,  and so forth.
• I made sure all the celebrants knew when to stand, when to walk, when to sit, when to kneel.
• I was an orchestra leader who made sure everything happened smoothly and accurately and on time,.   
• You might say, I guided the community’s practice.
• BUT what was most important was what everyone experienced.  
• Clearly, I tried to make everything move smoothly, but something was more important :  Did everyone, the celebrants, the students in the pews, experience the spiritual realm that all this practice suggested.
• The intention of all this effort was to lift everyone into a realm beyond all the effort…… beyond my doing and everyone’s doing.
• Our intention: To have an experience beyond all the ritual, beyond all the ceremony, beyond the doing.

So it is like that now, for my own practice.

• My intention is to go beyond the practice, beyond the ritual, beyond the ceremony.
• I want to be clear: for me, the practice is an essential element: I follow scheduled times, I light a candle, I light incense, I invite a bell, I practice mindful movements, I breathe.
• Then I let go of it all, including the breath, and enter a realm of absorption;
• Absorption is not same as Insight, but makes insight possible.

I think that mindfulness practice solves a problem, the problem of attachment.   It offers an opportunity to learn relinquishment, to let go of the practice.  

• I feel the chair, I feel the movement of breath, then I let go of it and relinquish all sense perception. 
• No longer experience the breath itself, but I experience the breath as known.   
• The breath as known is the realm of the mind—the beginning of absorption.
• It is a realm without sensory, without form, without concepts.  
• The practice offers more than knowing how to breathe mindfully, more than knowing how to eat mindfully, more than knowing how to walk mindfully.
• The practice offers the basis for entering into absorption, a realm where the practice is abandoned.

I like the guidance provided by the current therapeutic practice that uses psychedelics.

• When psychedelics are used therapeutically, it is common to speak of Setand Setting.
• Before beginning, set an intention, “what do I want to do,”
• Then there is the setting, the room, the presence of helpers, the whole ambiance,
• My intent, my Set, is absorption.    The setting includes all the aspects of my practice

When I had my two knee replacements, I had the set, the intention of walking freely.

• I had to learn again the experience of walking, my set.
• To that end I employed a setting, the practice of concentrating on my leg movements, the focused contraction of my quads, the focus on maintaining support,  the careful use of my cane.
• In time, I abandoned the setting, all that focused practice and I simply walked, I experienced walking without all the supporting concentration or my cane.   

For me, to experience absorption, I use ritual, I use the breath, the touch of the chair, the feel of the earth or touch of someone’s hand.

• Then I abandon all that: the practice, the setting; I let go of the breath, the touch of the chair, the feel of the earth.
• The ritual of my practice serves a purpose, but then it is abandoned so that I experience absorption.

What is it: Honestly, absorption is hard to describe; it has to be experienced.

• We have all done it:  It is what we can experience in Sangha, in multiple ways.
• Someone spoke of it over a month ago when she described what she experiences when she enters this space and sits down. 
• Here we experience the collective energy of the circle
• Here we experience the collective energy of one another.  
• That experience is beyond the physicality, beyond the senses.

Having a good master of ceremonies in sangha is helpful and useful, but there is something more important than doing everything correctly.

• The lighting, the temperature of the room, the arrangement of chairs and cushions, the candles, the inviting of the bell, even the spoken words are all useful, but they are only the opportunity to enter into the realm of the unfettered mind.  
• No longer a distraction, they are all left behind to enter absorption.
• To enter absorption, elements of practice are all relinquished.

I repeat, absorption is an experience hard to describe.

• However, in true Buddhist fashion, we can identify 13 steps, beginning with five preparatory actions, 
• The first step:  focus on an object of the mind which allows a gradual departure from sense perceptions.
• The five preparatory steps, sometimes called Jhana factors, can be accomplished in a matter of seconds, but after weeks of practice,.

Next, there are the four absorptions, four jhanas;  these are four steps of relinquishment to arrive at equanimity They can be learned over a period of years and be experienced at some level in minutes; for some it lasts for hours.

• Then there are the four formless perceptions: infinite space, infinite consciousness, nothingness (non-ego) and emptiness ( nirvana )  
• The final four can take a lifetime to fully develop, but can be partly experienced now with practice.  These four are, I think, implied in how Thay writes about the Heart Sutra and the Diamond Sutra.
• In “Old Path, White Clouds” Thay explicitely describes how the Buddha trained in these absorption practices before becoming enlightened

How do we do this, how do we learn to move into the realm of absorption,

• Brother Phap Hu has the best advice:  create a schedule.
• Design your own routine practice, and stick to it.
• He has much more to say about this in “The Way Out is In”, with a Plum Village flavor.
• One can read about absorption, and I have two favorites: “Focused and Fearless” by Shaila Catherine, and “Abiding in Emptiness” by Bhikkhu Analayo.
• There is also: “Emptiness” by Guy Armstrong, and , obtusely, “The Other Shore,” 

Much more can be said, but for tonight, I just want to say that the practice is essential and useful

• For me, there is more, and that actually involves ignoring,  and letting go of the practice.
• I use the practice, I also routinely relinquish it.
• For me, the practice is impermanent, the path is impermanent.  
• My intention is to enter absorption, now:  “May I find I have no path to follow; may I see that I am standing on the other shore; may I recognize that, alone, I am connected to all things.” 
• This is achievable, it can be experienced.    

What does the practice do for you?   How does it work for you?

The process of separation from my family of origin probably began many years ago when I left home at 13. I am now looking at the connections, loose as they are, that I have with my brother and sister. I have been aware for a long time that I saw the world in a very different way from them. Now I am confronted with the impact they have on me and my kids by the type of civil order they support.

The question I am facing is how connected do I want to be to my siblings when they support a civil structure that aggressively seeks to harm and abuse those who are neurodivergent or trans. My kids and I are targets of that harm.

Except for seafood, I have been avoiding meat for many years. The more I think about what I am eating, the less I feel inclined to eat meat. I’m not avoiding meat altogether, but I find I eat mostly plants. Today I heard someone talk about eating meat in a way that makes meat even more unattractive. Actually, I am motivated to avoid it even more.

Meat is a cause of suffering that touches the world today and into the future. The amount of agricultural land dedicated to raising meat for eating is huge. Meat demands that about 80% of agricultural land be used for feeding and raising animals for humans to eat. This is a double edged effect. Meat demands hoarding a huge amount of earth’s resources for meat production today. It also means that many people suffer because that agricultural land is not useful to them for plant-based food. Because some people are meat eaters, other people starve.

The future is affected because land used for meat production is much less likely to be nurtured and regenerated for future plant production. Care of the land is mostly based on plant growth, and that is much less likely to happen if the land is dedicated to growing meat.

The suffering of animals is essential to the eating of meat. Animals suffer because of how many of them are raised and because they are killed so that people can eat meat. It is a price paid by animals the more they are asked to suffer so that they can be a source of meat.

I am not yet prepared to say that I will eat no meat. I will likely continue to a very small amount of meat. But I am becoming more aware that eating any meat is asking animals to suffer and is a hoarding of current and future earth resources. I will be eating less and less meat.

I am puzzled by the mindless way in which some people act and especially what they think. I am convinced that this is the consequence of not managing the critical role that the mind plays in all we think, and of course what we do. While culture has a huge influence on how we think, I ultimately have the ability to manage the role my mind works. I just have to decide to do it. What I think and what I do is managed by my exercise of volition.

If I don’t actively manage how my mind functions, my mind will behave like a reacting, yapping puppy who is not house-broken. Without my decision to manage my mind, it will take on a role influenced by random inputs and by my uncontrolled fears.

The mindless way in which some people act is a result of their volition. They have chosen not to manage their minds, and so they act in ways that are out of line with reality. I have to make a conscious choice to manage my mind’s perception of reality. Without engaging my volition, I will appear to be acting mindlessly. Actually, my mind will be functioning fine but without control.

I am in charge of my mind, and volition is available to me to use in order to control how I use my mind. If I act or think mindlessly, it is because my mind is out of control. And that is a choice that is mine to make,

I have two siblings, Ron and Mary Ann. They are six and twelve years younger than me. I have been aware for some time how different our view of life is, but it has always been possible for me to just let that be. I have been able to stand back and allow them to follow a life pattern that is different from mine in many ways. I have been able to simply reside in an awareness that we are not only fellow humans but also we are siblings. We share a common origin, common ancestors, and common living together for quite a few years.

Something has changed. I am aware that not only do we see things quite differently, but they are choosing to be part of an effort to make life difficult for people I love. I am especially aware that my two kids are significantly at risk. One of my kids is trans and the other is neurodivergent. I am aware of the strong movement to marginalize, even harm, people like them. My siblings are choosing to be part of that effort.

I have other people I love in my life who are equally being put at risk by this effort to harm those who are different. I have been thinking for days how my brother and sister are choosing to be part of that effort. It is not about politics. It is a matter of how our view of life is so different and where we put our effort. There are consequences. I am aware that my siblings are marching with the effort to harm my family, me and my friends.

Frankly, I am not sure what to do with this. I am finally looking more deeply into the gap of awareness and intention that exists between them and me. That gap has real consequences, and that is profoundly disturbing to me. Perhaps we will talk about this, not accusing them but sharing how disturbing this is for me. I think I want them to know that what they are choosing is affecting me personally because it affects those I love.

I can no longer ignore and work around the differences between my sibling and me. My siblings have consequences.

It helps me to remember that many people are victims of ignorance. Sometimes that lack of awareness is a result of the intention of individuals. They choose to remain in their bubble of not being aware. Sometimes the lack of awareness is an outcome of a culture that does not educate young and old. Sometimes the lack of awareness is imposed on individuals by those wanting to maintain power.

There was outrage expressed by some because of features of the Olympics’ opening events. I’m not that surprised that there has been such a reaction from people of religion. When one lives within the structure of religion, the tendency is to view the world through the images of the religious world. I think that the world exists independent of religion, and some religious people even try to make the world around them conform to their religious notions, such as the attempt to limit a woman’s right to choose.

There are cultural benefits from religion, but ignorance is often one of the results of religion. People choose to remain in their bubble of not being aware. Anti-intellectualism is common in many religious groups. Power is maintained within religious organizations by restricting awareness and maintaining ignorance. Dogma clouds awareness and perpetuates ignorance. Indoctrination obscures a clear vision of reality.

It is not unusual that believers become victims of ignorance.

My normal sensory apparatus only perceives that part of my world I consider “seen”. I typically rely on all forms of unseen aspects of reality, such as gravity, magnetic fields, electricity and electronic waves. I am aware of the effects, but many factors remain unseen. I think there is much more that is unseen and yet to be discovered.

I am realizing that I live in an ocean of the unseen. Plants have a level of intelligence I have, until now, never been aware of. They have a relationship with me that has been unseen. I am constantly being affected by an unseen barrage of the past from my ancestors. I am learning to recognize the sharing of intelligence with others without any normal sensory connection. I am beginning to think that the unseen future hovers on the edges of my awareness.

While much of my world is typically unseen, I think it is not beyond my awareness. I am getting small glimpses of that unseen dimension that suggest that I can learn to “see” the unseen.