Close

I remember very well when I decided to be close. I was twenty years old, and I recognized that I had been living in a way that did not include being close. I don’t think I understood just what that meant, but I knew I was missing something that I wanted. I have spent over sixty years exploring what that all means, and the unfolding continues.

I recognize that, for me, a number of things are involved in being close. My own transparency is a huge part of my being open to closeness and inviting others and the whole world into closeness. I have noticed that as I have become more comfortable with who I am and relaxed in sharing all aspects of me, the easier it is for me to be close. Perhaps it has something to do with being in my eighties, but I care less and less what others think and how they regard me. I will live the way I choose. I like being me, and I don’t need to put on pretense. I am at ease with being close and not worrying about how I will be seen.

Also, I have always liked my sense of touch, but that is more evident now than ever before. I like touching things. I especially like touching other people. It is not simply a sensory eperience, but it is an open door to deep awareness. I can in an instant, become aware of the presence of others, whether that be a plant in my garden or someone I know.

Touching means that I have become much more of a hugger. I hug men and women alike. Not a quick and release hug, but a lingering hug that allows me to be deeply aware of the other person. Someone recently said to me, “We all need a lot of hugs” I totally agree, as a giver and as a receiver. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I know how comfortable, even assertive I am about hugging. I sometimes wonder just how others are feeling about hugging. Most people seem to be a deep part of hugging and repeatedly hug me. But I want to feel assured that it is truly what they want.

I guess I think that hugging and, by extension, closeness is part of being human. While closeness is not unique to our species, humans have a deep engagement with being close. It has, in my mind, been one of the reasons we have prospered as a species. The experience of being close has been a huge part of why we have been successful. Even Neanderthals, I am convinced, valued and practiced what it means to be close. The presence of flowers in Neanderthal graves of individuals has been seen as evidence of abstract thinking, even some kind of religion. I think Neantherdals buried their companions with flowers because they were close to them, had a deep feeling of closeness with the dead individual.

In our culture, women seem to be more adept at hugging and all forms of closeness than men. I thnk that our culture has visited a curse on manhood saying that men should remain distant and aloof. I want to join what women seem to find and enjoy. Being close is a dramatic and central feature of being human. Regardness, I am choosing to be close. My resolve has not wavered since, at twenty years old, I set my sights on being close. It is who I am.