I continue to stroll through evolving notions of what it means for me to be open to the world. I constantly explore what it means for me to fall in love with the world. It takes on many aspects and it is a constantly changing of experience.
Most fundamental, it has involved my sense of touch. It has meant for me to become aware of how I was aware of what I was touching. It was an open awareness and an awakening of how I was aware of what my body experienced. I noticed how I felt when I sat down from a standing position, I paid attention to what it felt like to breathe, I deliberately touched things and people and noticed how I sensed their presence. Many sensory experiences became an open door to feel the presence of the world. My sense of touch became my opening to the world around me.
Being open in this way caused me to lose a sense of self. I became connected in a way that dissolved my protective carapace. I moved outside my protective, defining sense of self. I felt the deep connection with whatever or whomever I was touching. In an instant, my “world” became less defined and unbelievably expansive.
By becoming open, I have learned what it means to experience the “darkness of each endless fall.” My openness often loses its own definition and I have an sense of limitless space and an immense realm of emptiness. I become open because of a body sensation like breath or touch.
For me, this becoming open is a decision. I know I have agency. I become open deliberately. If this is free will, then I embrace it.
My deciding to be open is more of a decision to remove barriers that keep me from being open. It is almost a natural response, and it is an experience of great joy. By being open, I do what brings me joy. I fall in love with many people and with all sorts of things. It is not adequate to consider how many people I have fallen in love with. Falling in love, being in love has become more a state of existence for me. I routinely sweep many aspects of the world into my loving open arms., into my open presence.
I am grateful for every additional day I wakeup to. Each day, I am learning more and more how to become even more open. I understand it in new and different ways with each open experience. I reflect on my experience, I learn, and I open some more.