Awakening has been a gradual process for me. And it continues. I want it to continue for the rest of my life. I want the unfolding to go on and on. However, my attention has been drawn lately to the gradual unfolding that began many years ago. It has manifested again and again, usually in small ways that almost went undetected at the time.
I was reminded of one of those small awakenings when I stumbled on three photos of Sheila. These were photos randomly put in a folder with other items from my distant past. She was the daughter of friends of mine, and we did fun things together like go on bike rides. But only a couple of times, and then she disappeared from my life.
As I looked at those photos of Sheila, I realized how my heart had been touched by those brief times together. The residual feelings reminded me of how she had freed up a part of me that had a small but lasting effect on me. Through our non-romantic play, she had broadened a portal of feelings in me. That brief experience was an awakening in me that now has been repeated an endless number of times.
Gradually, I have come to embrace the notion that any day not spent falling in love at least once is a day not well spent. I have learned how to open my heart to many things and many people. Each opening has been another expansion of my awakening. The life force inside me has been gushing out more and more as the portal to my heart has grown increasingly larger. All the potential energy inside of me, the erotic energy of the universe, has become more awakened with each expression of loving.
It is easy to look back to my past and see that countless individuals like Sheila have summoned something very deep and vital out of me. So have my daily walks through part or all of my garden summoned that loving energy. Awakening is not an affair my head but of my heart. Again and again, I have bravely released my heart into what has become an endless fall into vibrant darkness.
It is all quite complicated actually, but I am aware that my awakening has been a gradual process that began with a conscious decision when I resolved to open my heart as I left my teens. That decision has taken me to many places in other people’s hearts. My own heart has become more open and gradually more generous with the energy bubbling up inside. The portal to my heart has become more open as the universal energy flows in and out. I have deliberately given and received. And I know there is more to come.
Each day, I renew my resolve to fall in love with the world I encounter. I resolve to open the portal of my heart a little more. Awakening is a slow maturing process, and I embrace it. I look forward to the awakening that is yet to come.