Month: August 2023

I’ve been suspicious of “normal” for many years. That suspicion continues to grow as I get older. As I continue to look around me at the culture in which I am immersed, I am aware that what is considered normal is often restrictive, rigid and restrained. Normal gives a high degree of stability and offers the security of the status quo. Sometimes, it also appears somewhat toxic and stifling. Normal lacks creativity and innovation.

In many cultures, the trickster has played the role of disrupting the rigid normal. The trickster is often a welcome and expected part of the culture. I think that some of us who show up on the autism spectrum play that role in society.

I am thinking more and more how being on the autism spectrum introduces a trickster element into society. Perhaps that slightly unhinged element of society is actually the more flexible, evolving aspect of humanity. What we typically consider normal is locked in, rigid and inflexible. Normal is not about evolving but preserving. I think we benefit from both.

I’m noticing that trans individuals, especially young people, are challenging the rigid, inflexible notion of what gender is. They are pointing out that there may be no such thing as normal when it comes to gender. The natural world of animals and plants already point this out. I think it is up to humans to examine more closely the artificial notion of what is gender normal.

I have always had the feeling that I didn’t quite fit in. I have even resisted elements of what others considered normal. I guess being typical has not ever felt right or appealing to me. Now I think being one of the divergent individuals is just fine. My not being typical is becoming more my notion of what I am contributing to those considered more normal. I like that role more and more.

When I am silent and close my eyes, I can feel the humming. I could say that I hear it, but I actually sense it with my whole self. My whole body feels the humming. All my senses lean into the humming and get carried into it, riding the gentle powerful wave that flows thru all things. I become the wave, the humming.

The humming I feel is not limited by time or space. It vibrates beyond my senses while touching all of them. It is the soft, swirling, surging music of the universe. It is the energy that animates all things.

The humming is in the wings of the cardinal, the glow of the goldenrod, the boldness of the stones. I am carried by the same humming and it enters and enlivens every part of me. It invites me to plunge into the ultimate realm where its presence is unfettered by my senses. It beckons beyond all appearances.

As often as I can, I turn and focus on the humming and it becomes the force and substance of my momentary experience. For me, it is real and all else becomes suddenly ephemeral. In a moment of attention, the humming is all there is, beyond shape and thought. It is everything. It is enough. The humming simply is.