My two kids taught me this. Gratitude is more than simply saying “Thank you,” or giving thanks in the many ways the culture encourages us. Gratitude is a genuinely felt experience that comes only after a deep awareness, after truly paying attention. Gratitude is not in the words or kind gestures but in the experience that proceeds.
I noticed this as my young adult kids were opening gifts on Christmas. Their whole manner reflected a growing ability to experience gratitude and how to express it. All this has developed independently of the customary expressions of saying “Thanks”.
This Christmas, each one took the time to examine each item, mostly kitchen tools for the apartment they are about to occupy. They took turns explaining how they might use the gift. They showed a maturing understanding of how to manifest gratitude. They were attentive to each others gifts as well as their own. They showed an ease and freedom to react in genuine and insightful ways.
I think they each actually experienced a level of gratitude and were able to express that gratitude.
I don’t think this was an accident. It came from years of practice and paying attention. As young kids, they often would open gifts one at a time, taking turns. They might then proceed to play with a new toy for an hour or more.
They learned to be attentive, to pay attention to each item before rushing to open the next gift. We sometimes would urge them to move on with gift opening as the hours of the day passed by. Because they took the time to pay attention, their experience was richer and the feeling of gratitude, of true appreciation was able to develop.
Paying attention is not easy and has to be practiced. I think it is not natural and has to be learned. Attention has to develop before gratitude can be experienced. Gratitude is a natural development that arises out of attention.