I am beginning to suspect that all I long for is already within me. What I realize through my interaction with the world is an awakening to what I already have within. I have all the connections with everything I desire, and my life each day is a gradual realization of what I already am in possession of.
So much of what I perceive as out there is actually a reflection of what is within. Each day is an opportunity to become more awakened, more aware to what I already have, an opportunity to internally embrace what I ardently desire, a deep falling into the all-consuming that has no dimension, no sides top or bottom.
I am experiencing a gradual convergence that is not a possession but a realization that there is a reality hidden behind the illusion that there is a me and an it. I sometimes reach a point where the appearance of separation yields to a formless, undefined oneness. And I carry that within me.
There are three ways this realization has arisen in me. The first is my recognition how my longing has been personified in my notion of God, gods and goddesses. What I long for and reach out to in the eternal, ultimate realm I already carry within me.
It is my nature to exist in an ultimate as well as historical realm. I have at times populated that ultimate realm with entities that were shadow entities, mirroring to me what I both ardently desired and already possessed. What appeared as illusions outside me are actually realities already within my grasp, dwelling within.
Seeming to be male by nature, I also long to be joined with what is feminine. I reach out for this in others, to touch and know what is female. I now suspect that those who in the historical realm appear to embody the feminine are aids to help me awaken what is already present in me. We help each other awaken to what is already within. They help me to awaken to my feminine.
Others who are in intimate possession of what it means to be female help me to see the feminine that is present within me. I already carry what I so ardently seek and long to discover in others, and they assist me to experience what I already possess.
In a more general fashion, the world around me offers me an opportunity to awaken to the vast wonders I carry within. The more I become more deeply aware of the flowing water, the greening grass, the moving wind, the more I feel the unity with them I already possess. I gradually recognize what is there by nature.
I now am better able to experience, to truly feel their presence and the continuity that exists between us. I let down the illusion that we are separate and begin to see them as they really are. I see us as we really are. I recognize the world as a sign, a reflection of what is within. My every reaching out to touch becomes an awareness of what I, by nature, already possess.
The awareness I have right now remains clouded, hindered by so many factors. I do not yet see clearly the unity in which I exist. However, each day is an opportunity to push back a little farther the illusion that there is a me and a them.
Each day is an historical opening to understand that I carry an immense treasure within. Each day, I will try not to be distracted from that experience and realization as I allow myself to feel what I possess within.
Each day I will take down the “No Trespass” sign from my heart and allow all to enter in and reside in their rightful place within.