It is such a wonderful thing to feel so alive after the long journey so many times around the sun. Today completes my 80th solar lap in our small corner of the universe, and I don’t think I have ever before felt so alive as I do these days. Parts of my body, especially my legs, want to slow down, but every fiber in me says otherwise. Every fiber says plunge ahead, feel the full expanse of the free fall you have entered.
I spent an evening last night with old friends, most of whom I have lived close to for dozens of years. We raised kids together , all of whom are now young adults. Everyone had an open and enthusiastic hug to share with me. Their presence was easy for me to absorb and I carry them with me as I continue my orbital trek around the sun.
I doubt that any of the friends present last evening would say it the same way, but I feel an abiding intimacy with all of them. For some, it is an intimacy that runs deep. We have shared so much of our life journey, even while we have lived in separated households. It was a treasure-filed evening to spend time with them, as it has been in assorted ways over many years.
The evening reminds me that I clearly have not fallen into a restful, sleepy time of life. Instead, I have become more vibrantly alive, more attuned to everything especially my own body and mind. I am so much more aware of those with whom I share the same orbital path, all of whom I share some degree of intimacy.
I like that as I become more awake, the future seems less daunting, less a concern needing to be addressed. My focus has become today, and I am more willing to shed the expectations and norms set by my training and my culture. Today is a repeating almost constant now that invites me to embrace it with high energy and deep desire.
Becoming alive has meant ignoring all that might constrain me. Becoming alive has meant relaxing my mind to accept a new and fresh world every single day.
It has been such a gift to still be alive and be completing my 80th orbit. It is an even greater gift to discover that being alive is an accelerating process, not one of slowing down. Each day I become a little more awake and I realize more what it feels like to be alive.