I noticed that I smiled when I heard that Thomas Keneally describe himself as a “mad, ruined monk.” That too could be said of me. It is true that I folded and put away the clothing of a monk many years ago. I stepped out of a life I had been immersed in for a dozen years. Perhaps I was ruined.
What monkness I took with me must surely cause some people to think of me as “mad.” Certainly those monks I left behind must have thought of me that way. It was a radical change I made when I walked out of the monastery. I was no longer young, and I stepped into a world I had so little knowledge of. It must have looked like madness to some. As I look back, I see a boldness that even I consider to be slightly mad. So I smile.
But I knew there was a world I had yet to savor. The reality and intimacy of that world was already a small part of me, and I wanted to experience it more deeply.
That was many years ago, and I still find the reality and intimacy of the world ardently attractive, no matter how much I have already experienced. I smile when I think of all the possibilities I have yet to experience.
In so many ways I still consider myself a monk, though I probably have ruined all the common trappings and constraints of that life style. I continue to choose a new and changing life style that I embrace every morning. I smile when I think of all the possibilities the world holds for me each day. I think I smile a lot. I think that I am still a smiling monk.