I am surrounded by the question today of how will we ever bridge the chasm that exists between white people and people of color. How will I bridge the chasm that exists between me and people of color?
There is no hope for me where there is no realistic expectation of a desired outcome. I do not see a basis for hope. I wish I did. The chasm seems so wide and deep. I do not see a way that my society can ever come together. So I all I can do is at least work on my own personal chasm.
Where do I begin? I have started by doing what comes easy to me: I read. I create a link with people of color that is primarily intellectual, but the emotional link creeps in. I read authors of color whom I respect, and that includes some who make me feel uncomfortable by what they say. I look at my own racism through their lenses.
I am moving through a small stack of books of poetry and essays by authors of color. They include people like Danusha Lameris, Ta-Nehisi Coates, John A. Powell, Ruth King, Langston Hughes, Joy Harjo, Adrienne Maree Brown, and so on. I sit, I listen, I pay attention. I ignore any of my internal narratives that try to emerge.
I also sit in meetings and listen to the women of color who contradict me. I ignore my urge to respond or resist. I bend, I yield, I listen attentively. I create a space in which we can both exist. I tell my ego to be quiet and take a rest.
I also pay attention to my reactions to people of color. I am becoming a little more honest and transparent with myself. I notice and study my own racism. I am increasingly aware that my life-long conditioning has fashioned me as a racist. Every one of my reactions to people of color is shaped by experiences and nurturing that began in the white baby bed in the hospital where I was born. I have been feeding on a diet of white privilege all my life.
I accept that all my white friends and white non-friends are racists as well. Everything they do, everything they say has the nutriments of white privilege. All white public figures are raised on the same diet of white privilege and continue to benefit from it. I notice and acknowledge the racism we all share.
None of what I am doing bridges the chasm I experience. All it does is provide a personal foundation, a beginning. Perhaps I will learn from someone who can see a way forward. I watch. I listen. I pay attention.