Month: July 2019

It has been many years since I took off the robe of a monk. I packed it away. I deliberately chose to live as an ordinary human without the guidance or benefits of a structured life.

The rawness and the uncertainty of the experience still lingers with me. There is no set pattern to follow, no tradition to guide me, no robe to surround me, no one to show me the way. The robe is no longer a comfort or a constraint.

I have no way of knowing the form and nature of a guiding path as the robe once offered. I have to rely on my observations and experiences, mixed with lessons from an assortment of teachers. Sometimes I feel like I am walking in the dark, without a guiding light and without a snuggly robe.

I wonder what I can handle and what gives me a sense of direction. It changes daily. Sometimes it feels like nothing gives direction or guidance. The robe is no longer a part of me, no longer a comfort, no longer a shield. My bare heart is all that seems to remain.

It is such a burden to worry or even think about the future. It is even a burden to worry about what is happening right now, but I prefer to think about it. I would like to be more receptive of what comes and what might come. I prefer not to plan excessively out of worry about what might happen next.