I had been thinking of how my immersion in mindfulness is part of my uncovering my feminine. I now think of it more as a process of recovery. I am reclaiming what was lost. The feminine of my extreme youth is slowly re-emerging and I am taking possession, claiming, embracing it. I am deliberately recovering what appeared to be lost.
I am engaged in no accidental process of discovery. This is no sudden or gradual process of searching for something new. I am deliberately looking, feeling, searching for what was lost and retaking possession of what is mine. I am not exploring something outside of myself and applying it to myself. I am recovering my birthright to the feminine.
There are some simple and superficial things I do. I no longer hesitate to look for hats and scarfs in the women’s clothing section. Buying and using a hair dryer is more than just a way to dry my hair. I typically feel more at ease hanging out with women.
The recovery goes much deeper, however. I have for months been learning to feel and experience living at a deeper level. This is a level I associate with the feminine. I have little fear of the emotional aspects of me and I am probing that arena daily. I go deeper and deeper. I am not afraid of what might be considered a typically feminine response.
Today I allowed tears of joy to flow down my cheeks while I listened to a friend describe a profound experience in her life. It is not uncommon for this to happen, often beyond my control.
I also see all this as part of owning the feminine virtues that have long been a peripheral part of how I have lived. I am recognizing and recovering that genuine feminine part of who I am. I have seldom relied on the masculine virtues, sometimes even rejected them. Now I understand more deeply what that was about, what was really happening. My feminine had been stifled but it was not gone.
Now it is being recovered.