It would probably be more common for me to comment on what it means to make eye contact. That sounds to me like a mellowed down version of what actually takes place for me. I am noticing how I use my eyes to actively communicate and others do the same.
When I am eyed, I can feel someone affirming my presence. I use my eyes to tell someone I am very aware they are there. For me, it is no casual and neutral ‘making eye contact.’ It is an act of being aware and communicating that awareness. I am being eyed. I have eyed others.
This was so apparent to me while contra dancing on Saturday evening. In the dance there is a lot of contact with one another. But before our hands ever touch one another, the eyes consistently lock on to the other. Before I was ever touched I was eyed.
The connection happened in an instant. The messages were all over the map. Mostly the eyeing said how good it was to meet at this instance, in this place, in this dance. It was one awareness after another. It was one affirmation after another. It was done by eyes alone.
I have two friends that I share conversations with on FaceTime. Seeing an active image of one another adds so much to the words we speak. So much is said by eyeing and being eyed. I seem to be so much more aware of the presence of the other person, even though that perception of presence goes over miles of space.
I was walking with a friend recently. We were walking side by side, looking forward, chatting casually as we walked. At one point, there was something I wanted to say in a way that called for us to be more intensely present to one another. I turned and, holding her by the upper arms, looked into her eyes. It was quick, spontaneous. I confirmed my presence and affirmed hers. The words I spoke were only part of the message. We each were eyed.
Much has been made of the eyes being the ‘window to the soul,’ and I think that is true. Vacant eyes indicate disinterest or absence. Alert eyes convey attention and affirmation. Expressive eyes convey shared vitality. Eyes tell me when someone is aware I am present and invite an avenue of awareness.
My eyes are my first avenue of being aware of people. My eyes are perhaps my most open expression of awareness of another’s presence. People I meet are constantly being eyed by me, and I hope they know it. It is how I say “I know you are there.”