I want to experience what it means to be happy. That should be no problem because the ability to be happy comes naturally with being human. As a child, I experienced happiness just by being myself. Happiness is just part of my human mechanism, and not much of that has really changed since I was a child.
However, society has conspired to encourage me to want to be something else. As I learned to interpret the world around me, layers upon layers of cognitive patterns have been developed that interfere with my being deeply happy.
I was promised happiness in many ways and that enticement continues. Most of those promises were simply encouragement to conform to what others want of me. To be a conforming and welcome member of society, I had to learn to think in a certain way. It wasn’t long before I learned to be woven into an elaborate social fabric, part of which taught me to be a faithful consumer.
I am trying to reboot my mind and get back to that original state. My method is actually rather simple. I am working to develop a relaxed, attentive and bright mind, something I think I once had. I have to let go of so many patterns of thinking, but I am slowly discovering that a relaxed mind is happy and a source of happiness. A relaxed mind also allows me to be aware of everything in a new and deep manner. When my mind is relaxed, I actually experience moments of deep awareness.
This kind of happiness is not just for myself. It is the kind of happiness that we all can share with one another as we help one another to be happy. I am willing to share my happiness. It doesn’t actually require much effort because it simply means that I be openly happy.
I like to affirm the wonder I see in others, a wonder that I am beginning to see with more clarity. I want to share the pleasure that comes from the felt experience of being who we are. Just by doing what I do best, embracing the happiness of being who I am, I encourage others to do the same.
I regret all the times in my past when I was part of a toxic reciprocity in which we wanted one another to be something other than what we were. I would rather that those had been times that I chose to be around someone who helped me be in love with myself, and I had done the same.
It is a joy for me to be aware of who / what I am and share that realization and happiness with others, especially those who can reciprocate. It is the joy of an affectionate and loving bow with a close friend. Being aware of the world, including people, around me is part of my own self awareness. It works well when that awareness is reciprocated.
I am only beginning to discover this kind of happiness. I am beginning to allow it to sink in. I am beginning to allow the recognition of others to sink into my relaxed, at-ease heart. Reciprocity takes time. So does my learning the happiness of a relaxed, attentive and bright mind.