The very things I hold on to for security are my binding limitations as well. Lashed to the mast, I feel safe from the raging storms and threatening swells. But my freedom is lost as well. Security is an illusion, and what I regard as stabilizing is often my greatest source of suffering.
Security can be a siren song in the form of concepts, notions that I hold on to in order to give illusory meaning to the world. In my life, there have been greater illusory notions of security than those I embraced in religion. The root meaning of religion, in fact, is “to bind.” That should have been a warning clue.
The cultural structure of marriage has been another promise of false security. I should have paid more attention to the concept of the “bonds” of matrimony. Humans have created all sorts of contracts that promise a secure future. I think it better to develop relationships based on and nourished by day to day openness and acute attention to what is happening right now. Planning for a secure future is distracting and dangerous.
There is no secure future. So I might as well let go.