I aspire to be a respectful individual. I want to honor the presence of other people, plants, animals, rocks, and everything else. I want respect to come from the core of who I am and be expressive of my intent to establish an open, loving relationship. It is the way I can acknowledge the worth of other beings and all other entities.
Respect is something I want to freely give. I do not respond well when respect is demanded, even in small ways. I especially resist any standards of respect. I pull back when I am asked to behave in a certain way as an expression of respect.
I think that people and all things have the opportunity to identify what they consider respectful, but then I have a choice whether I will comply. Especially, I think that people can identify what is disrespectful to them, but then I get to decide whether I will act respectfully in a manner that suits them. The expression of respect must come from inside me and in that sense be genuine.
I grew up in a culture that imposed some rather arcane expectations on what to wear. Women were expected to wear a head-covering in church as an expression of respect. Certain kinds of clothing were not considered respectful. There are still echoes of that in the mindfulness tradition that I am part of, and I am troubled by it.
I think, especially in areas of religion or spirituality, the notion of showing respect is a way of identifying tribalism or controlling sexual expression. Women are often the blunt of notions of respectful dress, and it is mostly an expression of control imposed on them. I know it is something I do not like when I am told how to dress respectfully. When I, a man, am asked to dress respectfully it is an exception because it is more often imposed on women.
I am still struggling with this. I don’t like being told how to behave respectfully.