I live with many traces of my past. My history is part of me, but it’s not quite the same as it once was. I still feel a connection with people, places and things that were once part of my experiences, front and center. They are still a part of me, but I see and experience them differently. I have moved to another place, crossed the river, and my whole world looks a bit different as I take it all in.
Today, this is so true of my experience with religion. Christianity shaped and influenced so much of my life and how I saw reality. It was a lens though which I interpreted the world, and had a profound effect on how I lived. It would be foolish for me not to acknowledge that religion continues to be a part of me. However, even that has been transformed.
Some people talk of having rejected religion, or left the Church. I don’t think anyone ever really manages to do either, once religion has been part of their life. However, I think that we all get to choose how we experience religion, and that makes a great difference. And it is actually a more honest and accurate approach.
I prefer to approach this issue as a gardener. Right now, the lush blooms of last year are a memory and are in my compost bin. The flowers haven’t really gone away, but they definitely are being transformed. They are becoming the rich humus that will nourish and support the flowers that bloom in my garden this coming summer. And so it is with my experience with religion.
The religious experience that once was such a lush part of my life is more than a memory. It has been transformed into something new. I haven’t left it behind, I have not walked away from it, I have not rejected it. I think it is a part of me, but it has been dramatically transformed. I can see that it nourishes and supports me, but not in the form it once manifested.
Some people press flowers and try to keep them just as they were. I place mine in my compost bin and they undergo a great change that makes them nothing like the plants that grew in my yard last year. But they also become an intimate, integral part of the plants that will be part of the future garden.
I’m pretty sure that no one would say today that I am religious or that religion is part of my life. I, on the other hand, prefer to think that I am someone who composts. I have transformed my religious past into something quite new and pleasing. The religion is still there, but it has been wholly transformed. Dare I say it has been composted?