There are two statements from Mark Nunberg that keep coming back to mind. The first is something I heard from him a couple of years ago: “This is how it feels.” For me, that is the golden key for my meditation and the awareness I carry with me through the day.
Meditation, after all, is just practice. I put myself in a somewhat controlled condition, I relax, and I pay attention to what is happening. The candle is lit, the incense has been burning, the bell has rung and I am sitting on my cushion wrapped in my fleece cape. I remember “this is how it feels” and slide into an almost instant experience of being relaxed and attentive.
My body knows what to do, and my mind is part of what my body does. I am quickly aware of a whole experience of being relaxed and knowing a vast emptiness. I am aware of a body / mind falling into nothingness. The sensation is one of remembering what this is like. I easily know that this is how it feels. This is is how I intend that it feel.
This experience, repeated day after day, has left a lasting impression. It borders on being a habit. My awareness knows that “this is how it feels” any time I ask it to pay attention to what I am experiencing. My body / mind knows how to cooperate with what it has been trained to do: relax and be alert. Then I can be aware.
I can be aware in an instant about what is going on, what I am able to experience. Sometimes my awareness is directed to what I see or touch. It could be my watching someone get on the bus, it could be my looking at a blooming plant. Sometimes my awareness is focused on something I am trying to figure out, a problem being solved Sometimes my awareness is simply being drawn into the world of my imagination.
The words Mark gave me, “This is how it feels,” may not be there, but the memory and the message is often present and clear. I can go there to that relaxed and alert place because it is familiar, I’ve been here many times before. What I experienced on my cushion I am able to experience on the bus and on my garden path.
The other statement I took from Mark is not so much a part of my daily habit. It is more of a tool that I use when I get stuck or jammed up. I simply fill in the blank when I can’t quite get on track: “_______is being known.”
I use it when I get distracted when I intend to be meditating. My distraction is being known. If my leg is hurting, my hurting leg is being known. If I start thinking about what I want to do this morning, planning is being known. If I feel disconnected from someone, feeling disconnected is being known. If I feel anxious, being anxious is being known.
Mark’s words are a handy, effective tool of making a distraction an object of my awareness. For me, it is an expression of self acceptance and compassion. Oh, this is what is happening.
The tool gives me instant control over my awareness and allows me to focus it where I choose. It deepens my ability to guide my awareness every time I apply the words, ” _____is being known.”
It also gives me greater insight and understanding of how my mind works. I recognize and appreciate the power of my habits of thinking. Being aware of how my mind is working allows me to direct its awesome powers to where I want it to help me be more aware of my world. I see what my mind is up to, and it doesn’t get to be lazy or misguided.
For me, one of the most satisfying results is becoming connected. Being able to use all the focusing power of my mind in an aware and knowing way allows me to become connected. When I am aware how I am experiencing my world or my imagination, I am connected with my world or imagination in a most intimate way.
With this tool, I both see and remember the connection. The separation, the distinctions, the uniqueness disappear and I am connected in being aware that we are one.
These two quotes from Mark, “This is how it feels” and “______is being known” make him one my great teachers. Of course, there is much more.