Want

I have this notion that “want” is something other than “desire”.    When I say that I want something it feels different inside of me than if I say that I desire it.  However, I am still working it out.

For me to desire something is to feel the energy of attraction.    It is a  feeling response.   There is actually no decision involved except the decision to experience.   For me, desire is what I feel when I see anything around me that I choose to experience.    It happens when I drop boundaries, when I choose to allow something to possess me.  My heart opens to a flower, a person, a sound and they become part of the world that I feel.

Desire is a statement of attraction.   I am involved only in as much as I am being very aware, open on more than a cursory level.

For me, if I want I am more actively involved.     My ego is front and center. My focus is on me and my role .   My self is part of the action and the experience is not neutral.    The choice is not to experience something as it is but to pursue it and make it part of me.    I am not attentive to making me part of it.    I am very aware of me and my edges, and I want to bring it inside those edges.    Desire has no edges;  it is an opening to experience, not to possess.

Desire acknowledges the oneness that already exists.    Want attempts to create a oneness, as though it did not already exist.    Want relies on my doing something.    Desire relies on deep observation.

All this musing is about understanding how I relate to the world and how I choose to experience it.   I would like to be a person of rich desires and meager wants.