The experience was more than a little scary. The fire was roaring behind the glass door of my wood-burning stove. I slowly opened the door and came face to face with the heat, the sound, and the threat of a fire roaring out of control. The fire stayed in the stove, of course, but I came face to face with all its fury and heat. It had all the feeling of being about to leap out off control.
Actually, it didn’t exactly happen that way. I was at a meeting of the neighborhood Board, and there was no wood-burning stove. However, it came my time to speak about the resolution I had handed out to the members, and the glass door opened to the full fury of the fire inside of me. I struggled to keep the energy under control as I spoke with a force I hardly knew had been inside me.
My mind was clear, my body was in motion, I hardly ever struggled for words. The force and energy was certainly more than I had intended. I had no plan to push so hard. But push I did, on the course to the point I wanted to make.
I know this is part of what is happening to me as I become more accustomed to being present, in the moment. I trust myself to be present, there is little fear, I don’t reach into the future to worry about what might happen. I ride on a huge wave of freedom. Last night it was like finding myself on a wild, galloping stallion. There seemed to be no way of stopping, only racing forward and staying the course. The path seemed bright and clear.
I am surprised by the level of clarity and conviction that accompanies mindfulness. It is like someone has turned on the bright lights, and all is apparent. The broad illuminating light of my searching mind seems sometimes to narrow and focus all its energy on a small but suddenly radiant something. It could focus on someone, on an object, or on something that exists only in my imagination. The effect is often the same as my mind seems to tap into the energy of whatever is present with me.
Maybe this is what happens when I open to the fiery oneness that appears when I open my awareness. With nothing separating me and whatever there is, the full fury and energy is exposed. It leaps and consumes, but still is contained in the moment.
There are times the fire is overwhelming. I think I want to be careful how much I expose others to it.