Each day I amble through my life, uncertain of the decisions I make. These can be little decisions and big ones, but I really don’t know what the outcome will be. The consequences are more conjectured than assured. It sometimes has seemed that being a human is quite lacking in certainty.
I don’t remember begin given a page of directions when I was born. I did have the benefit of two young, loving parents who themselves were unsure of what to do about many things. They probably were uncertain what their lives were about, yet did their best.
My new and open mind soon absorbed directions from all around me and I learned in many small ways to make sense of it all. No one was able to tell me where this all led.
My culture, of course, instructed me in how to live, how to behave, how to get along with others so that we might form a uniform society. I shaped my every day on the expectations of my parents, of my school teachers, of my social leaders.
Nothing was more penetrating than the directions given me by my catholicism. I relied on teachers, writers, ancient men and women to tell me how to live. It was often a struggle to decipher their directions, to find meaning in what they left behind. There were many voices who mumbled or shouted at me, and I strained to learn from them. For a long time, I followed the example of Francis and his progeny, until I realized y humanity spoke to me of a different path. That way also left little certainty.
I became more hesitant and cautious about the advice and direction I got from others. No source seemed to give me reliable advice on how to live or make sense of the world.
As time has passed, I am finding that, like the label inside my jeans, the most reliable directions came inside and were there all the time. “Machine wash cold, use no bleach, tumble dry warm”.
In side me are the simple directions: “Pay attention, be amazed, love profusely.” I may not be certain of the outcome, but that has become less important. Now I think it is time for me to follow the directions that accompanied me. That will be enough.
I am slowly unlearning all the crusty advice and conditioning I’ve received from the moment I was born. I’m learning to pay attention to the directions I brought with me when I entered this world.