I have noticed something quite remarkable. Compassion and loving kindness may be part of my daily intention, but it is not something that happens because I decide to do it. It simply happens when my awareness expands and grows. I don’t push it in any direction. It naturally flows when I remove any mental obstacles I have.
For me, it all begins with noticing someone or something. As my awareness increases, the barriers between us diminish. As I pay attention to any aversion or grasping I may be experiencing, I begin to share the presence of someone or something. As those dams melt away, the flood of compassion and loving kindness seems to flow naturally. It is like water rushing down a hill. There is no stopping it.
That is what I thought, and experienced until this past week. I realized that when aversion and avoidance show up in my attentive mind, they can readily block the flow of compassion. This week, the dam became firm and solid, and nothing changed. Nothing flowed.
It happened in me when the hurricane was approaching Texas. All my attention was focused on the years of awareness I have of how Houston has resisted city planning and had no zoning restrictions. Most infrastructure needed to deal with natural disasters likely to occur on a costal city were rejected as anti-development.
I also saw that the magnificent hurricane approaching the coast was just a manifestation of the changing climate, something that anyone paying attention would have been aware of for at least 20 years. It was just something easily anticipated and expected. In fact, I saw it as a powerful expression of natural forces that struck me with awe. It also validated what I have been saying for years.
The resulting devastation was, in my mind, simply the natural consequences of a leadership obsessed with greedy, uncontrolled development. Being unprepared was again the natural consequence of turning away from the science of climate change. I was very attached to my ‘scientific’ point of view. I had a disdainful aversion for an unresponsive leadership so inattentive to what was obviously happening in their city these many decades.
I was only slightly aware of my own attachment to my point of view and opinion. Still I was puzzled that for days, I felt little compassion for anyone. This was true not of only how I felt about the Texans, but just about anyone else as well. The dams of attachments and aversions were blocking just about any flow of compassionate energy.
I have now been stepping back and paying attention to my opinions about Houston and Texans in general. I’m not particularly critical of my opinions, but I am gradually less connected to them as I stare at them, as I recognize them for what they are. Today, the floodgates that constrain compassion are slowly opening.
It has been a week of learning. I am struck how my lack of skill in managing my mind in just one area had a huge effect on so much more of me. My ability to be present was significantly diminished. No matter what I wanted to do, my awareness became loose and unfocused.
I also think I now understand better why it is good for me to avoid listening to the news. Too much of a challenge.