My human culture has done much to foster my sense of separation and isolation. Independence and strong personality are virtues praised in my culture. I have endured much suffering because of this mindset and I have struggled to overcome it.
The notion of separateness is a strong social force. We live in separate cities, we identify with tribes and races, we fence our yards, we celebrate the nuclear family, we hold up the ideal of one life-long partner. The forces of culture have conspired to make me feel separate, against the reality of the natural connection I have with everyone, everything.
The desire to feel connected is frustrated in so many ways. In human relations, a hug is a momentary, touch-and-go event. A lingering embrace can be alarming, or at least uncomfortable. It has been a long journey for me to find companions who welcome the closeness and awareness a warm embrace allows.
Even Thay, with his cautious roots deep in eastern society, has taught his followers how to do hug meditation. I embrace this teaching, but it has not come easily.
For most of my life, touch of others has been an exceptional thing, reserved only for those few with whom I had an intimate relationship. Perhaps, as I am growing in awareness, I have become less stingy with intimacy. I am comfortable to say to more and more people, “I am present. I am here for you. I see you, you are here.”
I know I am present, I feel it through my whole body. I am able to be more aware of someone else and feel their presence through my whole body. It is natural to touch them, to hug them, to make that physical connection that expresses what I already feel.
The barriers between us seem to melt as I become aware. The awareness blends our presence. I am not grasping, I am not thinking of the future. I am very aware of what is happing right now. Even with “casual” friends, I have a sense of becoming one. Sometimes, touching someone’s arm or shoulder is almost like touching mine.
All this for me is simply natural. It is not very thought out or planned. It simply happens. I guess that I am intentional to the degree that I decide not to resist what simply takes place. I am aware, I discern what the situation is, I allow the natural energy to flow. In favorable situations, it flows in both directions.
Contact was once an infrequent part of my life. It is slowly becoming more natural and normal, but still not nearly frequent enough.