I think I finally found words to describe something I’ve been experiencing for about two years now. As I have practicing what I have called ‘awareness,’ it has seemed to happen in more than one way. There was a simple awareness, perhaps more appropriately called attention. I concentrated my attention on something, like the keyboard or a candle.
There were also those times when I felt very different as I stared at something. Everything else around seemed to drop into the background or periphery. A deep feeling of relaxation rose in me and the keyboard or candle took on great importance. Sometimes it seemed that I was studying it not as a flat visible surface but as a three dimensional object. I could experience its insides, its history, what it did. Touching the granite surface on my bathroom counter was like reaching back in time and I felt the surface of something that has been through eons of change.
I now have just read that there can be two steps of awareness, and I think this is what I have been stumbling into. The first step is becoming aware of an object. It is something that happens when I see the keyboard, notice a burning candle, touch the granite counter or hear the ringing bell. For me, it is simply paying attention to something.
The second step is more engaging and mysterious. I take this step when I look deeply into an object. I touch it deeply, I absorb the sound with my whole self. The feeling is as if I am shedding light on the object, extending my illuminating awareness deeply into it.
This second step is where the subject and object become one. The boundary between me and the item dissolves. The item and I are no longer separate, but we seem to merge. Part of me seems to extend out and enter into the keyboard or candle; the keyboard or candle seems to move inside of me and be absorbed. I understand it in a way I never did by simply observing it.
I’ve noticed that this two step awareness is not just about objects and people. It also applies to my own body. It is a deep awareness that is not restricted to one part of my body but is felt throughout my whole body. The palm of my hand is observed in a way that radiates through my whole body. My feet touch the ground in a way that my whole body experiences.
At first, it frightened me when I felt the boundaries dissolve. It felt as though I was part of an alternate reality because everything, everyone became different whenever it happened. Now it is becoming rather common, even though I often have to remind myself to turn on the second step of awareness.
I often feel radiant and have to be attentive to the flow of energy. My enthusiasm can bubble over, and other people aren’t quite sure what that is about. When the boundaries dissolve, the experience can feel intense and energy flows between whatever or whoever is before me.
I like it when the boundaries dissolve.