I think there is a shadow in Buddhism. Sometimes, it appears that the practice encourages a kind of withdrawal from the world. Sitting quietly in a darkened place has the appearance of disengagement. I know that this is not a true representation. I am finding that the practice actually is making me more in touch and aware of the world, more concerned about issues, less distracted by lesser issues, more discerning about what is real.
However, one area I am still trying to work out is the position that teachers such as Thay take on sexuality. Rather than promote engagement with this aspect of who we are, the practice seems to push sexuality to the side. Rather than showing the path to engaged presence, the path seems to be one of withdrawal.
To me, this is most obvious for the monks who practice celibacy. They are the ones I primarily listen to, and they clearly are disengaged from sexuality, at least in the lifestyle they follow. For them sexuality is put aside in a box and they choose not to deal with the challenges presented by our sexual nature.
When sexuality is discussed for laypersons, it is also put aside in a box constrained by the cultural norms of marriage. It appears that same-sex expressions of sexuality are off the mark in the writings of teachers I have read. Sexuality is certainly complicated, hard to deal with. Some teachers attempt to make it less complicated by putting it in a box. Sexual engagements are narrowly defined and constrained.
The middle way of Buddhism does not advocate withdrawal from the world. There is to be no excess, either in denial or indulgence. The practice is based on the observation that suffering is the result of clinging and attachment. There is a way out of this problem, and the path is the one of the middle way.
It is my intent to be totally present in whatever I do, drinking tea, washing dishes, touching someone, walking into Target. What matters is how I do it, with a mind that is clear and peaceful, attentive to what is happening, and full of wonder at the present moment. I intend to act in a manner that does not superimpose on reality any mental constructs such as clinging, attachments or preconceptions.
Like all of my relationships with reality, I expect that the wholeness of sexuality is free of suffering when it rises from my being truly present, aware and fully engaged. Non-attachment and non-clinging are characteristics of true sexuality just as they are characteristic of any other ways of relating to the world.
Withdrawal from sexuality or narrowly defining it is not the middle way. Putting sexuality in a box is not the path of the middle way. Rather, true sexuality is a possible path to freedom and liberation.