Dualism is such a part of my thinking I sometimes wonder if I will ever escape its clutches. I have been well-taught, by school and culture alike. There is the body, and there is the mind. One inhabits the other, descends on it, animates it. The two exist in support of one another, but remain distinct. This has misdirected me into an illusion of the world.
I struggle to turn this illusion and false wisdom around. I am convinced that there is one entity. Mind and body are but two aspects of the same, one me. I have thought about it so much, and I have experienced it in small ways. Still I must remind myself of the oneness, I must allow myself to relax and settle into the one and same reality. Matter and mind sometimes merge. The reality exists only in the relationship. I am, therefore I think.
Getting older has been an amazing adventure as I have, gratefully, begun to discover my true essence. There are times that my very existence comes into passing focus. The unfolding of this mystery has been very much a body activity. As I have become more aware of the energy of my body, I have surprisingly become more aware of my presence. I have learned to quiet my mind activity and be attentive to the energy of my body. The new world has unfolded.
Much of this has arisen because of my Tai Chi Chih practice. The body energy has been allowed to manifest. In a strange contradiction, the pain of my aging limbs has made me more aware of what they are. My aging body has forced me to acknowledge and accept who and what I am. Acceptance of the pain has opened doorways to being aware of the energy within me. Fighting the pain, resenting it only makes it dark and more powerful.
Resistance is futile. Acceptance is success.
My legs and hands are really me, and I know that by feeling the throbbing energy within them. My sense of touch is alive in a new way, and opens an avenue of awareness to whatever I touch or see that I can touch. I think that the energy flows in both directions, but this is something I want to explore more.
For now I simply am glad to have a deeper awareness of who I am, where my body is, what is around me, and what I am part of. I know this is so because the energy tells me so.