I have come to see sexuality as a way we naturally relate to one another and create community. It need not be a narrow and exclusive way of relating to one another, and I also think individuals can reasonably choose to isolate themselves in an exclusive sexual relationship. For most people, in fact, deciding on an exclusive sexual relationship with one individual is an integral part of their decision to couple, most often to raise children.
I use to think that sexuality was one way of waking up, becoming more aware of another individual. The thrill of sharing pleasures is, I believe, a small taste of the thrill of meditation and the deep awareness that comes with total surrender to “what is”.
I still think this is true, but the waking up factor is only one side of the coin. Sexual awareness is something that very naturally comes along with an open awareness of someone, even ourselves. It is part of seeing someone as they really are. To be aware of someone as a sexual individual is to see them as they actually are. A decision whether to relate to them in a sexual way begins with and depends on this awareness.
The degree of my growing awareness depends on my ability to be aware.
Desire arises in many ways and many forms. I get to decide how to make good use of the energy of desire. It is my choice whether to be controlled by desire or allow it to carry me into a deeper awareness.
Unfortunately, I think humans have trivialized and abused their sexuality. Some humans seem to expect nothing at all of sexuality except perhaps a fleeting stimulant Or they expect so much out of their sexuality that they dole it out in stingy amounts. So much of my culture is infected by one or both of these notions.
Rather than create a path of awareness, sexuality has often been a tool of dominance and power. Rape is an instance of extreme dominance and power. Marriage has in most traditions become a structure of ownership, one person over the other. Most forms of marriage put the male as the owner, the female as the one possessed. It is a social contract based on ownership, rights, privileges, guarantees, etc.
For me, touch is an important way of relating to people I get to know. If I don’t feel I am being intrusive, I even touch strangers. It is natural for me, it is a way of becoming more aware, it is a way of relating, it is a way of affirming one anothers presence. I think that sexuality can be described the same way.
My problem is that I don’t think many other humans think the same way. So far, I think I am a community of one.