I recently read that Robert Bly said something like Make your choices then pay the price. Though not exactly a hero of mine, I think Robert Bly has often gotten things right. This quote is something of an exception.
I spent a lot of time thinking about what he said and how it fit into the view of my life. There have been so many roads abandoned, so many people and activities have slipped beyond my reach. These are mostly choices I have made, not many of them have been forced on me.
Sometimes it is hard to remember just why I made change of direction, why I “broke up” with someone, changed career, never pursued the deepening of a relationship. Would I make those same choices now? I truly have paid the price of lost opportunities, never explored so many turns around a bend.
I’ve slowly come to recognize that the option is not there to redo my choices. Those opportunities are truly gone, beyond my reach. What is more, I now examine those options from a vantage point created by the decisions I made. Those choices look different now because I have been changed by my own decisions.
My garden is being planted and rearranged for the summer of 2017, and it is no longer relevant to re-examine what was done in the summer of 2016. My choices may be different in 2017 and many of them are based on the fruits, perhaps the price being paid, for choices made last summer. Today I am making choices in my garden.
My life has been filled with choices much more significant than the ones I make daily in my garden. I have been changed dramatically, perhaps paid the price, but certainly enjoyed the benefit. Within less than five minutes I walked from the University Zoology department building across the street to the Botany building. I became a botanist in those moments and my dreams of zoology went up in smoke.
I chose to leave the comforts and assurances of religion to step into a world of constant exploration and uncertainty. I gave up a career I had prepared for during a decade and a half. I paid the price as I left a shore I could never find again if I wanted to. It has been a real bargain. While I have paid dearly, I have discovered a world of abundant treasure and joy.
Robert Bly is insightful in describing an experience that I have recognized by looking back over my shoulder. I think I am just more excited about experiencing what adventures my feet are feeling as I take each step along the path I have chosen.