Every day I make an abundance of decisions. At least I seem to. Some are huge, but most of them are trivial and small. I wonder how free I am in making those decisions. They seem like they are truly MY decisions. Nothing or no one is forcing me to act. Yet the debate over whether we have free will has been around for a very long time. I also think about it.
I no longer think that I make decisions in a totally “free” manner. But I also think that my decisions are wholly mine. Any decision I make or action I take is an accurate expression of who I am. My so-called “free will” arises as an impulse deep inside of me. It is a convergence of many factors that define me. My history is there, my biology is there, my habits are there, my aspirations are there. Above all, and having the most influence, my awareness is there.
In a real sense, I am not free to make whatever decision I want. My decision options are limited and defined. Even my choosing is defined and somewhat predetermined.
I think that my decisions and my actions are a convergence of all the factors that define me. Most significantly, they are an expression of my evolving awareness. They are an expression of the order, the information, the intelligence present in me, in whatever state that happens to be at that moment.
My decisions are an energetic impulse coming out of my core self, and are rooted in a raw form of eroticism. They are an expression of the energy that constantly stirs in my living self. Probably, my decisions are the most reliable and transparent manifestation of my true self.
So do I have free will? I don’t think that anything I do is totally “free” in an isolated way. Everything ultimately comes from within, and is an expression of me, so it is shaped by who I am at that moment. Nothing I do is totally isolated because I am connected in so many ways to the world around me, my past and my future.
So I am not free. But I do think that the decisions I make are truly mine, and an expression of who I have chosen to become.