Three words

It’s an expression that is under-used, mis-used and over-used.  My experience with those three words, “I love you,” is so varied.    These days, I am most focused on how uncertain those words are to use and how cautious I am in using them.   I know part of why they are scary is that they are so ambiguous , and can mean so many things.

They can also be very revealing.

In their deepest sense, they can mean that I have opened my heart and can see the beauty of someone.   They are an expression of non-conditioned love, acceptance of someone, recognition of them as a lovable human being.    I find it much easier to talk about how I love certain individuals, and it is pretty rare that I will speak those words to them, face to face   It is a powerful experience when I have been able to exchange the expression of mutual love.   I wish I would use those words more often, but I am aware of their power.

I am also bothered by the mis-use of the expression.    For me, this can also be cases when they are over-used.    “I love you” has become so romanticized that it can be like too much icing on the cake.   I hear it used in all forms of media as a gushy expression of an unthoughtful feeling.    Sometimes it can simply mean “I want to be sexual with you.”    I think the words can be nothing but an expression of runaway feelings.    I want them to be more.

There is the throwaway expression of “Love you” which can casually mean that someone likes being connected with me.    The same expression can be used, especially  in family situations, to say that someone wants to keep me under their influence, or that they want to extract love in return.  I feel uncomfortable whenever I hear it.

I am grateful that there are a number of people that I can identify as individuals I truly love.    I’m not so agile about telling them that.    I don’t use those three words very easily.    I sometimes prefer to say “I see you,” which is a subtle way of saying ” I stand before you with open eyes and an open heart and I recognize you in all your radiant beauty.”

I know it is a lot to ask of those three words, but for now I want them to carry that message.   Some day I may figure out how to use the other three words more freely.