I am grateful that there have been so many people who have been witness to my life. I am especially grateful for those who have simply been a clear witness to who I was, and less grateful for those who told me who I should be. A witness does not judge. A witness simply observes.
I can only hope that I have been as forceful a witness in the lives of those who have acknowledged me and in many ways validated whom I had become.
I want witnesses in my life, but it has been difficult for me to come to grips with the fundamental reality that I am alone. My companions can do nothing for me, I must act on my own. What they do for me and what I ask them to do for me diminishes my life, my presence. What they do is theirs and not mine. I am the sole actor in my life. The idea of coupling can be a serious distraction from the healthy independent life I must live.
Even while I choose to act along, I do not intend that to mean that I want to be alone. I feel a deep connection with the companions who surround me with their witnessing eyes. I have chosen to open myself and to invite my companions with an intimacy that allows them to be witnesses. I attempt to be transparent so that they can see me as I truly am. I offer the same in return. We have woven a lasting web of intimate witness.
For me, these have all been invitations to acts of love. When my companions and I open to see one another as we truly are, this is what love is about. Being witness to the beauty of one another as we actually are is loving one another. While I still can get distracted by an image of what I imagine, think someone could be, I am finding it much easier to pay attention to who they actually are, right now.
I’m choosing to be an aware witness of my companions. I also want it to become more of a habit.