Now I see that love has two aspects, and I’ve certainly gotten them confused in my past. There is the enduring aspect of love. This is the aspect that, once I open my heart, love goes on and on. In some ways, this is the “forever” aspect of love that exists outside of time. While it may have a beginning, it goes on and on. It is nearly effortless once it happens.
Then there is the moment-to-moment aspect of love. This is the aspect that does not endure. It is lost with every fleeing moment, and must be renewed as each new moment arises. It is the aspect of love that demands attention if it is to be sustained. It is a glowing ember that needs repeated breaths of air if it is to endure. It can be lost, but with effort it can be regained. It is cradeled in the embrace of the moment, and is totally caught up in the transition of time. It requires skill and effort.
I have relied on the enduring aspect of love to such a degree that at some point that was all that was left.
The moment-to-moment aspect of love can be very demanding, even tyrannical if it is to endure. When I am not being fully attentive to someone that I love, the moments slip away and can never be reclaimed. An opportunity is missed and imagination moves in. This aspect of love is nourished by my constantly renewed attention. It requires thousands of moments of unconditional acceptance, free of expectations. My beloved must receive the same kind of mindful attention I give to each foot as it touches the ground.
The demands of this kind of attentive intimacy are so great, that once the focus is lost, it may require great effort to renew the focus. Or, like any kind of mindful awareness, it can flourish in a habit of wakeful attention.
Actually, this is not unlike all moments of my life. Any time I am inattentive, lost in my imagination, that moment has been lost. The moment is only fully lived when I am alive to the encounter. Moments of love can pass if I am not engaged, and a chance to create an intimate connection slips away.