“Relationship” is such a tricky word. I think it takes on unique shades of meaning every time it is used. I have many relationships, and each one of them has its own identity. This has been incredibly confusing and even disruptive when I’ve talked with someone about a possible relationship. There hardly ever is time or opportunity for a definition of terms. I try not to use the word.
In our culture, the default meaning of a relationship is a “couple”. The presumption is that people in a relationship have agreed on some kind of joining and see themselves, even vaguely, as a couple with all kinds of implied expectations. There may even be unspoken rules. For me, that meaning is so far off the mark that it is alarming. Actually, I’m rather critical of that presumption.
Often, the notion of sexual connection elbows its way into the meaning given to a relationship. For me, that has not typically been part of a relationship, even close one. Sometimes my relationships have been sexual, and sometimes there has been no sexual engagement. That has depended on the terms of the specific relationship.
Just by being seen as a kind of coupling, a relationship is frequently mistakenly seen as being protected by a wall of definition and exclusivity. The emotional energy of individuals in a relationship is expected to stay inside the relationship and be directed at one another. I see this as neither helpful or healthy.
Of course, by implication people in a relationship are expected to be immersed in love with one another, and no one else. This is a pretty narrow view of life and I think ultimately undermines the real love between those in a relationship.
I see myself in many relationships. I think every one of them is a loving relationship, but in many different ways. If I am in relationship, I am in love almost by definition. I once thought that meant one individual at a time, but I abandoned that idea. I’ve allowed myself to have an open heart, and feel I’ve become a much more loving person in all my relationships. That includes the emotional energy that tags along.
I regret that “relationship” has taken on such a narrow meaning, but I really haven’t come up with a better word. The closest I have come is “companionship.” I am connected with my companions in so many different ways, none of them as a couple or as exclusive. Yet I love all my companions, in evolving ways. I try not to have assumptions. Hopefully we talk enough to devel0pe a common but changing understanding of what that means.