I’ve been struggling for some time to understand what time is and the effect is has on me. Over a hundred years ago, space and time were linked together. I don’t get it, even though some explanations give me a passing illusion that I may understand a small part. One thing I am sure of is that time plays a significant role in my life. I’m wanting to change that.
This morning, as I was going through the movements of my daily Tai Chi Chih practice, I kept thinking about how pleasant it would be when I finish and can spend pleasant time sitting on my cushion, awash in the delight of awareness. So I began to rush what I was doing. Suddenly I realized that my Tai Chi Chih movements could give me the same joy of awareness. No need to rush. Put time aside. Enjoy what I am doing.
I live my life in a framework of time. I don’t think I can escape that, any more than I could decide to live in a two dimensional world. I think that I have given time too much of my attention, to the point that it becomes a distraction. I do like to be on time. However, I can still be on time with proper planning. I want not to focus so much on time.
The more I experience the joy of awareness, the more slowly I seem to be moving. I walk slowly from the bus to the Light Rail. It’s three blocks, and I know if I walk slowly, I will still be able to be on time for the train. Walking slowly isn’t deliberate, but it seems to happen if I am paying attention. I see and feel the sidewalk, I feel my whole body, I see all the people I pass, I notice the store-fronts. It is a three block walk of joy-filled awareness. The sidewalk is dirty and the activity is chaotic and loud, but I enjoy it. I have put time aside, time is on hold.
Right now, if I am paying attention to time, I am usually not paying attention to much else. If I don’t pay attention to time, I’m actually more aware of what I am doing. I wonder if in the future, I will move more quickly and still be as attentive to what I am doing.
I don’t think so. I seem to be in a natural pattern of slowing down when I step outside of time. When I become a watcher, I seem to enter into and take my own time.