Flirting

I may be forever grateful to Alain de Botton who has shown me the value of flirting. ( onbeing.org/programs/alain-de-botton-the-true-hard-work-of-love-and-relationships/ )   He has helped me realize that we have so sexualized flirting that its broader value has been diminished and hidden.

The common narrative is to shame one another for flirting and discourage its practice.   Once again, the fear of sexuality wins out.

Flirting, rather than abusive, can be a very loving thing to  do.   When I flirt with someone, I signal that “I enjoy your presence.”    I am saying that someone has gotten my attention and that I am responding to their attractiveness.   I notice you, you have all my focus, you give me joy.

I think that I do this kind of flirting habitually, with women and men.    I want to cultivate the combination of openness and responsiveness shown in flirting.    I want to be aware of people I meet and I want them to experience that connection with me.   I want to  enjoy them.   I invite the same kind of openness and enjoyment that I express.

I suppose that with women there may be a footnote message that I might consider them as a sexual partner .   Sometimes it might even be true, but that is way down the list.   More likely is the message that I see them in all their attractive radiance.    And I might want to give someone a hug.    That could be either a man or  a woman.

For me, flirting is a form of loving.   It says “I see you” and I have an open heart to you.   Flirting says that we can play and show our playful self without fear.   It says I am not a threat and I want to know more about you.   I am willing to be  vulnerable with you.    At this time and in this space.