I really don’t think about death very much. However, this morning Rilke reminded me of the significance of death. In a strange kind of manner, my thought of death has brought me into a greater awareness of my current experiences of joy, love, sorrow, pain. Even before I die, death can play a pivotal role in my life and give a deeper awareness of everything that precedes it. Death can walk with me as a friend.
Death is the exclamation point at the end of my life that gives nuanced meaning and special emphasis right now to all that goes before it. As I think about this, I am resolved not to wait until death to realize all that might have been. I do not want to find myself grasping for a life never experienced, never lived.
I am determined not to hear myself mumble, “So that’s what it was all about!” I fondly hope that my death will be a moment when I look forward with curiosity and not back with regret.
I think that my death may possibly be a moment when I realize with clarity just what has been happening and what might have been if I were more awake and attentive. That is when there will be no more distractions, no more living in the imagined future or the remembered past. I expect my death will be a confrontation with reality unlike anything I have experienced before. It may be my closest encounter with certainty. It will be reality in bold print.
I think my death has already taught me something today, without my having to experience it yet. I now want to be even more awake and more attentive to each passing now. I want to do the dishes with awareness, and experience the rinsing of pots with an attention and presence that gives joy. I want to love every moment that passes with all the open-heartedness I can muster. I want in this next moment to be as ardently attentive as I will be in my last.