I’ve noticed that love opens a place where pain can enter in. Accepting that is how I grow. That is the message I sometimes hear from Rilke, and it is an awareness I carry in my heart. I carry a lasting memory of those I have loved. You might say I refuse to “get over” them.
To be clear, I am not referring to romantic love, but a deeper penetrating opening of my heart. Romantic love can be a messenger of smiles and laughter, inviting grasping. It is perhaps the bait for entering into a place of deeper love. The deeper open-heartedness is an invitation, without strings, to be present. In romantic love, it may never occur, or may heal over after a time.
The openness is in reality a wound, an exposure to pain. I tell myself, “Don’t let it heal over.” I do not want an insulating barrier to form. The wound, including the pain, may be my personal passage to becoming present to the vast world. The paradox is that my open-heart provides entry to others, and gives me expansion, freedom.
I am still wondering if I have to become covered with wounds of love to be wholly connected to the world. Is that how I become closely connected to my companions and beyond? Must my heart be pounded and pierced by love until it becomes all-loving? Is this what opening my heart really means, and that the searing pain is about to come? Perhaps.
As much as the process of open-heartedness is difficult and sometimes painful, with acceptance I do seem to grow. It actually gets easier. I also learn to let go, not cling and grasp. Sometimes I rebel against all this, but then I seem to find my way again.
I am determined to continue on this path.