I’m counting on my friends to be a lifeline as I venture into some unknown territory. I have clearly been changing, and my sense of reality is no longer what it once was. It is as different for me as when I first went snorkeling, breathing air but very much in a new watery world.
Sometimes I seem to be living in a new and different body. Maybe it is the same old body, but my relationship with it has dramatically changed. It is both distinct from me and yet very much me at the same time. I find myself trying to juggle a paradox.
I can be in my body and at the same time I have a real sense of being my body. It is like I am living in a mirror. Everything is a true image of the original, but they are also distinct. Which is real? Is the image any less real than the original, does it make any difference? Are the two images part of the same reality, two aspects of me?
I do have a strong sense that there are these two aspects of me only when I am totally paying attention. They are real aspects only when intentionally seen. Like layers peeled apart, they take on a certain amount of separateness only when I am being mindful, when my awareness is excited. Still there is one whole.
This is why I need my friends to be a lifeline. This is a world of mirrors, and I don’t yet dare to become separated from friends.