I have been trying to sort out just what I intend my relationships to be like. It is a question that applies to my dearest, most intimate companions and to casual acquaintances. I suppose, in a strange way, it also applies to those whose behavior I despise.
This issue is especially keen in my mind as I absorb the meaning of what it means for me to be alone. I am discovering myself in ways I never have before. That is both exciting and a little destabilizing. As I see myself standing alone, what does that mean about my relationship with anyone standing close to me. How can I be part of one another’s presence without losing touch with my own presence, a problem I have occasionally had.
I think what I most have to give to my companions and want from them is witness. This is a deep, loving acknowledgement of who they are. To my closest and most intimate companions, I offer a witness that includes a loving acknowledgement of their presence. I intend to give unflinching acceptance, first of all to those closest to me.
I intend to listen to their stories, and offer to tell mine. I will assist and support them. I will encourage them in their pursuits. It is what I have to offer as a friend and companion. It is what I ask of those I invite into the intimacies of my life.
I think this applies to the whole spectrum of companions, from my most intimate lover all the way to the bigots and racists whose behavior I despise. It is something I intend to do unconditionally but in different degrees. I hope to judge wisely how and when to be a witness and when to seek it.