Unlived Lives

I was drifting toward a quiet finale of a life I thought had been well-lived. I had a sense of having lived not one but several lives in one lifetime and had pretty much resigned myself that things were winding down.   There were some loose ends and unresolved items, but I was OK with that.   Was I in for a surprise.

I’ve been jolted back awake, finding that there is an aspect of me that has been playing hide and seek with me for years.    My senses have come alive in a way I have never experienced them before.    My awareness is sharper and brighter than I have ever known consciousness to be.

I am uncovering a new sense of myself that I only had short glimpses of in the past.    So much of my identity has been tied up with the house I lived in, the clothes I was wearing, the books I was reading, the things I had done.   These were some the things that distinguished me, set me aside, made me different.   Now I have a growing awareness of my sameness, my connectedness.   My appetite for that connection has been aroused.

With both good and bad aspects, I realize that my development and my daily life is intimately connected not only with other humans but the entire world around me.    That is often a satisfying realization, but also sometimes disturbing.

However, that is a part of life I don’t think I have truly grasped in the past.  Now I feel like I have found a new life, full of uncertainty, possibility and exploration. It is going to take a while for me to learn what this is all about.    So I signed up for another twenty or so years.