Contemplative

I certainly never saw this coming.   I find myself making decisions that draw me more and more into the life of a contemplative.   The focus on my inner life is taking on more and more importance, more and more of my time.

I am aware of this deepening that is taking place.   Sometimes it is like walking thru a dark, moon-lit forest at night.   The shadows around me are both real and just out of sight.   I am mostly aware of what is happening in me.    That seems more real than the shadows.

I am sorting out what it means to relate to that world around me, particularly the people.   I still value and want companions.   But I do not want the immersion of coupling.  I have come to value my friends more and more.   I savor the moments we spend together.

Being a contemplative is simply part of my nature, but only part.   While I may be choosing the world of a contemplative, I am still very connected to the world around me.   In fact, I find the time I spend with friends is more engaging than ever.   I can be present to them, with them in intimate ways I never could before.

I am so much more aware of them and feel so much more able to share the intimacy of who we are.   It gives me joy.  If becoming more of a contemplative means being less connected to my friends, or to my world, I want nothing of it.