I experienced an understanding this morning that was reinforced by Rilke when I picked him up to read his words for today.
There was a shadow over me that I recognized yesterday morning I now realize how much energy and reality I was giving to imagined future developments in my life, one pleasant and one unpleasant. That was drawing me out of the present into my imagination. I lost something of my connection with what was actually going on around me. It felt strange, but I didn’t know why at the time.
I believe I am developing a sense of what it is like to be present. It is exciting, it is energizing, it is filled with awareness. It is almost like an altered state. I get a taste of it when I spend time practicing in meditation. I can bring it up when I am moving through my day.
My grasping for a future that was both pleasant and unpleasant took me away from the present. Desire can come in many forms.