I am grateful that, as a human, I have this ability to feel. For so many years, it was an ability that mostly lay dormant and hidden in me. Occasionally it would show itself when I peered into the night sky, walked in a lush woods, listened to stirring music, had an intimate conversation. These were rare events.
I don’t mean the emotions that arise in me. I mean that deeper feeling that lies beyond and below emotions. I mean that deep sense of presence like the one that comes when I walk into a vast and awesome space. All my senses tingle, my body yields to a surrounding energy, I float in the calmness of a sea below the waves. It is a little like the satisfying feeling that comes after a good sneeze. But it lingers longer.
My realm of feeling has largely been inaccessible, to me or anyone else. I would go there by accident, in a manner unplanned, unprepared and largely unaware.
Now that place is becoming much more familiar. I can request an invitation just about any time that I want, and I can go there frequently. I often forget that it is a place that welcomes me home. Then I remember, smile and settle in.
An early remembering of feeling, one of connecting with the vast universe was in college. Going to a bluff, a bluff that had native stories told about it, above St. Mary’s College in Winona, awed by the stars, letting go of the mundane.