Celibacy has been an issue for me, on many levels, for a very long time. As I embrace and look forward to a new life as a non-coupled person, I see myself as taking on a new celibacy life-style but with a different focus.
For me, and for much of western civilization, celibacy has meant “no sex” front and center. I think that the core reason for celibacy, however, has been the importance of not being coupled with someone. Not being coupled with someone meant that the celibate person was more free to pursue a spiritual path or provide a spiritual service to the community.
The issue of no sex was more of a consequence than a cause of celibacy. If someone is not in a coupled relationship, the culture and its norms meant no sex……. as they say, “no sex outside of marriage”. St. Augustine had a major hand in this cultural drift. It reflects a significant influence of Christianity on our thinking.
I see for me that being part of a couple has had some practical benefits. It has been good for raising children, it has provided a structure for setting up a home and resources, and it has sometimes offered the security of a place of intimacy. Coupling has also been a distraction and a disruption to my effort of being the kind of person I intend to be. In fact, I don’t think I am a good partner in a couple. Not good for me, not good for my partner.
So I am deciding not to be coupled. That doesn’t mean no relationships, no intimacy, no sex. In fact my new-styled form of celibacy, no-couple celibacy, may make me a better person to be intimate with. I certainly expect to be a more aware, mindful and loving person.